The true meaning of "us"

I have learned so many things from you, beloved... Starting from the very first days I met you, the days that you taught again how to appreciate life with the simple fact of being the amazing way you are. In those days I have seen how you were welcoming the mornings with your hands up in the air, I have seen so many people greeting you and being honestly happy to see you again, I have felt the peace that is part of your essence and that could be felt in your presence, I have felt the empathy, the honesty and the wisdom that you put in every discussion, I have seen you smiling all the time, but also being serious and so beautifully focused when needed, I have discovered your creativity, sensitivity and deepness when you told me about imagining your life like a book with chapters and pages and in that unforgettable night when we talked about the sky, the universe and that Mexican ritual that was illustrating our discussion.

And after that, every time I had the chance to get closer and closer to you and to get to know you better and better, you have taught me so many things by the way you were thinking and by the way you were behaving. You have taught me kindness in many situations when my reactions were of selfishness (like that time [although not only that time, but countless times], when I didn't wash your swimming dress, but you did wash mine), you have taught me how to be playful and allowing the creativity to grow and fly in these playful little reactions and little discussion that we have by ourselves and even with others (like when you have funny names in our dailies), you have taught me how to be loyal even in the little things of daily life (like when you always play in a team-like manner in our boardgames, not wanting to hurt me not even in those virtual situations or when you refuse to do something if I am not doing it either), you have taught me how be a true philosopher by appreciating the immensity of little things and thinking and thinking so much and about so many things when being in social situation, when being with your beloved or even when being alone, in the darkness and listening to the fireplace sounds. You have taught me what braveness is by coming to the other side of the world to live in a country where even talking its language is scary just for wanting to improve your condition and for wanting a better life. You have taught me how to pay attention to the little things, to observe the details around you, the little nuances that makes a difference, but that no many people are capable of observing.

But the most unexpected thing that you have thought me is the true meaning of us... I was not even aware that I didn't know what means to be truly with someone, to share honestly and totally yourself, until you taught me again and again in so many situations. When I was getting sad and I was hiding inside myself, building a wall around me, you were gently spreading an arm to show to me that I am not alone, that I can trust you to share even my sad feelings, because together everything is easier to overcome. You have taught me something that no one could: to share the responsibility of money. I have the bad tendency to pay for everything, but your decision to talk about it, to find ways how we can confront this instinct of mine proved me that, no matter how well rooted an irrational behavior can be, I can un-learn it slowly, but surely by your side. You have taught me that being with someone is making her a priority in your life, above anything and everything; it's thinking about a future by her side and fighting and taking decisions accordingly, to give a shape to that future, to try to make it happen; it's sharing with her all the details of every day, because life is made by the little pieces of every second, of every hour, and sharing them is sharing life; it's being accomplice with her by telling things that no one knows and thus building a shared world, inaccessible by outside, because it's surrounded by a wall of trust; it's paying attention to what she says not only to the words, which you so impressively do, but to the true meaning that hides behind them; it's learning her language, because you want to share your feelings through the channel that she used the most to experienced this life.

You have taught me that us means that I am not longer alone. And as obvious it might sounds, for me it was not obvious at all. You have thought me that everything I do in the area of myself it can also impact us and that myself and us are no longer different. I was not protecting us when I was hiding myself deep, deep in a hole, cutting the access and building barrier, what I was doing was proving that I don't know what us means. Because us is a stunningly immense and complex garden that can not survive without the joint care of two gardeners and that many flowers and trees will suffer when one of the gardeners is leaving, letting the other one alone, confused and overwhelmed.

I couldn't see it in the beginning, like a human can't think the unimaginable, like he can't understand how it could be to live without time, or like he can't imagine how a 4-dimensional cube looks like. I couldn't see it, because I didn't know that I didn't know it. But I have learned it, amor, I have learned the true meaning of us like a flower learns to survive by embracing the warm, invigorating, steady rays of sun: I have embraced your acts of love and I have learned the true meaning of us... of nosotros... of noi.