Inspiration

Inspiration is but the flicker of sensitivity. When something sensitizes you in such way that takes away all the layers of routine, all the layers of the little tasks and worries that keep your mind occupied, and lets you with the bare skeleton of yourself; yourself and the feeling that you can discover some important meaning of life if you just focus the light of concentration toward yourself.

This diffuse juice of introspection is very precarious, and it feels like it would evaporate if you start doing any mundane thing. So you try to protect it, to contain it in your chest, to offer it its nutrients to make it bloom. And one of its nutrients is silence. The type of silence that occurs when you are alone and you start listening to your thoughts. And the type of thoughts that are not worries, that are not anxiety born, that are not planning, but the thoughts that question your life choices; the thoughts that take away the superficial motivation behind your actions and search for a deeper one; the thoughts that ask about your longings; the thoughts that try to find to discover or, when failing, to create the meaning of life, of other people’s life.

And it is very rare. And the things that trigger it are sometimes unexpected. A painting, a song, a movie, an animation, an article, a book, a person, a dialog, a natural scenery that you observe, the interaction between two people, the behaviour of some animals, a face. As they are more unexpected, as more the cord that is struck inside you reverberates. They can be more unexpected, when you have no expectations. Because having no expectations leaves you in a state ready-to-embrace. Imagine slowing down the time before embracing someone. You open your hands and you make yourself ready to embrace the person, to bring it closer to you, so close until real contact. You don’t think about these moments right before embracing, but sometimes exactly because of that, you are surprised by the unexpected explosion of warmth that is brought by the hug, the same as you are surprised when, because of the same state, an idea blooms inside you in an explosion of sensitivity.

Don’t let this being in touch with yourself be wiped away by frivolous things like checking your phone, like turning on the TV, like engaging yourself in a conversation with somebody else. Instead allow it to grow inside you. Allow it to interrogate you. And let it flow through what makes you express yourself: writing, singing, drawing. Whatever it is, nourish it, because it’s the few authentic moments that you have in life. It’s your curiosity, it’s your existential dread, it’s your hopefulness, it’s the universe becoming aware of itself through you. It’s the universe creating itself through you.

The childhood

 

We are all part of the universe. We are the universe. Therefore whatever we are able to create can be nothing but natural. Saying that our skyscrapers, our cars, our technology or chemicals are against nature has the same exaggeration as saying that an ants colony, a dam created by a beaver or a bee nest are abnormalities, because they wouldn’t appear by themselves without the intentional intervention of their creators.

Undoubtedly that the power of the human’s creations is exponentially bigger and that its impact over its environment is extremely destructive. But maybe if we would change our glasses with pinker ones, we could say that this is a creative force that molds its raw material trying to achieve, if not something beautiful, for sure something worthwhile: an easier life, a life whose path to happiness is smoother than it has ever been before. And as in any creative process, there are many trials and errors. Many ideas that shine in the beginning with the promise of great hopes turn out to be disastrous for other creatures that live their lives by our side. Multiple voices slowly start to grow louder terrified by the frightful awareness of our horrors like the thrills that climb a child’s spine whenever he realizes that he did something wrong.

Our civilization is in its childhood. It observes in a shocking way the transformation of its body, the speed of its growth. It baths in its curiosity of poking around the laws of the universe, unaware of its consequences, not having the patience to wait to discover them because the enthusiasm of playing just overwhelms any treasures that wisdom might shelter.

The world pushes forward, but we will make time stop

I know, amor, that the world pushes you by the back to go, to live the day, to eat, to solve the little things, to continue to think about the bodily needs and the worldly order. But the hole in the heart wants your attention, to dive in it, to hide in its darkness where you can cry and make the time stop as it should be...

Stop, time! And let us grieve. Let our tears dry our eyes, let our voice sing the pain, let our mind visit all the moments with him, let our heart scream the love for him, let the fire of sadness burn and from its ashes build a future... A future without his presence, but not without him...

I know it hurts, but I also know that I don't know how much it hurts... I can hear the voice of the child crying for his father, the strength of the man trying to live the life that pushes him, the love of the brother who is smiling to warm his brothers' innocent hearts, the loyalty of the son who is giving his shoulder, his arms, his everything to the halved mother...

I feel helpless to ease your suffering...And I would give anything to protect your divine heart from this sorrow... But I can't... I can only hug you and kiss you and love you. But not to try to compensate for the hole that is inside you, but to make you feel that I am here by your side. With all that I am... I will be by your side to cry, to remember, to enjoy him beyond death : trough his art and through you, trough everything that taught you and through everything you are because of him.

I know it hurts, but I also know that I don't know how much it hurts... The earth keeps moving, the stars keep shining, the people lost in their world push the life forward. And we will stop time, embrace the shadow of pain and forget the world, to let the waves of tears wash us and prepare us for new steps... Without his presence, but not without him...

Testamentul vieții

Încă de când m-an gândit pentru prima oară asupra morții am simțit repulsie la gândul că aș putea muri în somn, căci mi se părea că ar fi un mod foarte nedrept de a părăsi această lume : fără a fi conștient că mori, fără a avea posibilitatea să îți iei rămas bun de la cei dragi, de la lume, fără a putea să le spui că îi iubești celor cărora n-ai avut curajul niciodată să o faci, fără a pune în ordine ultime lucruri, poate a scrie ultime gânduri.

Mai târziu acest sentiment mi-a fost acutizat după ce unchiul meu care era bolnav de cancer, dar căruia familia a ales să nu îi spună asta, în schimb, să îl mintă că e numai ulcer și că se va face bine, într-o bună zi, care avea să fie printre ultimele zile,  și-a pierdut vocea... Deși conștient, putând să își vadă copiii și soția, era incapabil să le spună că îi pare rău, că îi iubește, să aibă grijă de ei sau să le transmită toate cele care probabil i-au stat pe inimă. Îmi imaginam eu că sentimentul de neputință trebuie să fi fost îngrozitor...

După alți mulți ani, am avut un accident de mașină în Cluj care, din fericire, nu s-a soldat cu moartea nimănui. Însă experiența avută m-a făcut să conștientizez un fapt la care nu aș fi avut niciodată acces, fără o experiență directă: că moartea poate veni atât de rapid, într-un moment atât de imprevizibil, încât să nici nu îți dai seama că mori. În mașină povesteam cu persoana care era în dreapta mea când, în mijlocul propoziției am făcut accidentul : mi-am auzit doar propriul strigăt de spaimă, sunetul puternic a două metale puternice care se ciocnesc și nimic. Mi-a luat câteva secunde după aceasta ca să procesez ce se întâmplase și probabil chiar și sunetele auzite au fost procesate după ce evenimentul se întâmplase. În acel moment aș fi putut muri fără chiar a ști acest lucru. Atât de rapidă poate fi moartea...

Acum, iubitule, la moartea tatălui tău am avut o revelație extraordinară care să întregească atitudinea mea față de moarte. Datorită tatălui tău care a avut o viață impresionantă, de o creativitate atât de prolifică cum nu am mai întâlnit nicăieri, de o admirabilă generozitate și cu capacitatea de a-și comunica iubirea persoanelor dragi lui, am învățat în seara când am avut ocazia să ne destăinuim puțin: că de la viață ne luăm la revedere în fiecare zi...

Că nu există certitudine că acel scenariu ideal, în care ești conștient că ești pe moarte și ai timp să faci tot ce poți pentru a-ți lua revedere, va fi trăit. Că adevăratul testament pe care îl lăsăm în urmă sunt cuvintele pe care le rostim astăzi celor din jurul nostru și comportamentele pe care le avem astăzi față de cei dragi. Căci deși uităm că trebuie să murim, prinși fiind în lucrurile mărunte ale vieții de zi cu zi, cu toate acestea putem muri oricând, nepregătiți, neavând șansa să mulțumim celor care ne-au fost alături, să le spunem că îi iubim, să ne punem treburile în ordine, să ne plătim datoriile, să ne împărțim bunurile.

Așa că momentul în care ne luăm rămas bun de la viață este astăzi și în fiecare moment pe care îl trăim. Viața ne este propriul testament. Haideți să spunem acum "te iubesc, mamă" și "te iubesc, tată", "mulțumesc pentru tot ce ai făcut pentru mine și pentru că mi-ai fost aproape", "te iubesc, frățiorule, chiar dacă arareori ți - am spus asta", "te iubesc, iubitule, și mulțumesc că mi -ai arătat iubirea și lumina pe care o persoană minunată o poate radia în fiecare moment", "mulțumesc, prieteni, că mi-ați permis să vă cunosc și mi-ați permis să mă dezvălui în fața voastră așa cum sunt cu adevărat". Haideți să punem toate lucrurile la punct ca și cum ne-am pregăti pentru a ne lua rămas bun în orice moment. Haideți să creăm, să ne lăsăm amprenta asupra lumii în care trăim și să o schimbăm, chiar dacă numai cu un grad înspre bine. Haideți să creștem în noi ce ne-am dorit mereu să fim și să ne creăm fericirea în fiecare zi. Să fim recunoscători pentru fiecare masă, pentru fiecare rază de soare, pentru fiecare nor, pentru fiecare stea, pentru fiecare zâmbet, pentru fiecare sunet, pentru fiecare atingere, pentru fiecare nouă cunoștință.

Poate sună puțin macabru, sau poate puțin clișeistic, dar consider că o asemenea atitudine în fața vieții nu va face decât să crească calitatea acesteia și să ușureze îmbrățișarea propriului salt în neant. Și știu că este greu să întreți o asemenea atitudine de conștientizare a propriei nimicnicii, care să stimuleze o trăire entuziasmată a fiecărei clipe, pentru că obișnuința ne desensibilizează atât de repede și atât de ușor... Iar problemele vieții de zi cu zi ne copleșesc și ele uneori atât de exhaustiv... Dar cred că dacă încercăm să practicăm recunoștința în fiecare zi și urmăm mereu principiile inimii și dorințele acesteia, vom reuși să creăm un testament frumos al vieții asupra cărora cei dragi, rămași în viață, vor putea privi și din care își vor putea adăpa inimile pentru a-și potoli durerea.

Momentul în care ne luăm rămas bun de la viață este astăzi și în fiecare moment pe care îl trăim.

The true meaning of "us"

I have learned so many things from you, beloved... Starting from the very first days I met you, the days that you taught again how to appreciate life with the simple fact of being the amazing way you are. In those days I have seen how you were welcoming the mornings with your hands up in the air, I have seen so many people greeting you and being honestly happy to see you again, I have felt the peace that is part of your essence and that could be felt in your presence, I have felt the empathy, the honesty and the wisdom that you put in every discussion, I have seen you smiling all the time, but also being serious and so beautifully focused when needed, I have discovered your creativity, sensitivity and deepness when you told me about imagining your life like a book with chapters and pages and in that unforgettable night when we talked about the sky, the universe and that Mexican ritual that was illustrating our discussion.

And after that, every time I had the chance to get closer and closer to you and to get to know you better and better, you have taught me so many things by the way you were thinking and by the way you were behaving. You have taught me kindness in many situations when my reactions were of selfishness (like that time [although not only that time, but countless times], when I didn't wash your swimming dress, but you did wash mine), you have taught me how to be playful and allowing the creativity to grow and fly in these playful little reactions and little discussion that we have by ourselves and even with others (like when you have funny names in our dailies), you have taught me how to be loyal even in the little things of daily life (like when you always play in a team-like manner in our boardgames, not wanting to hurt me not even in those virtual situations or when you refuse to do something if I am not doing it either), you have taught me how be a true philosopher by appreciating the immensity of little things and thinking and thinking so much and about so many things when being in social situation, when being with your beloved or even when being alone, in the darkness and listening to the fireplace sounds. You have taught me what braveness is by coming to the other side of the world to live in a country where even talking its language is scary just for wanting to improve your condition and for wanting a better life. You have taught me how to pay attention to the little things, to observe the details around you, the little nuances that makes a difference, but that no many people are capable of observing.

But the most unexpected thing that you have thought me is the true meaning of us... I was not even aware that I didn't know what means to be truly with someone, to share honestly and totally yourself, until you taught me again and again in so many situations. When I was getting sad and I was hiding inside myself, building a wall around me, you were gently spreading an arm to show to me that I am not alone, that I can trust you to share even my sad feelings, because together everything is easier to overcome. You have taught me something that no one could: to share the responsibility of money. I have the bad tendency to pay for everything, but your decision to talk about it, to find ways how we can confront this instinct of mine proved me that, no matter how well rooted an irrational behavior can be, I can un-learn it slowly, but surely by your side. You have taught me that being with someone is making her a priority in your life, above anything and everything; it's thinking about a future by her side and fighting and taking decisions accordingly, to give a shape to that future, to try to make it happen; it's sharing with her all the details of every day, because life is made by the little pieces of every second, of every hour, and sharing them is sharing life; it's being accomplice with her by telling things that no one knows and thus building a shared world, inaccessible by outside, because it's surrounded by a wall of trust; it's paying attention to what she says not only to the words, which you so impressively do, but to the true meaning that hides behind them; it's learning her language, because you want to share your feelings through the channel that she used the most to experienced this life.

You have taught me that us means that I am not longer alone. And as obvious it might sounds, for me it was not obvious at all. You have thought me that everything I do in the area of myself it can also impact us and that myself and us are no longer different. I was not protecting us when I was hiding myself deep, deep in a hole, cutting the access and building barrier, what I was doing was proving that I don't know what us means. Because us is a stunningly immense and complex garden that can not survive without the joint care of two gardeners and that many flowers and trees will suffer when one of the gardeners is leaving, letting the other one alone, confused and overwhelmed.

I couldn't see it in the beginning, like a human can't think the unimaginable, like he can't understand how it could be to live without time, or like he can't imagine how a 4-dimensional cube looks like. I couldn't see it, because I didn't know that I didn't know it. But I have learned it, amor, I have learned the true meaning of us like a flower learns to survive by embracing the warm, invigorating, steady rays of sun: I have embraced your acts of love and I have learned the true meaning of us... of nosotros... of noi.

The connection between two minds

I am a skeptical person and I don't believe in telepathy. Although an appealing idea, there are no facts or experiments to support it. What I do believe in, though, because of you, my love, is in the connection between two minds.      

A connection which is possible because of and with love. Love is the waves that carry the information from one mind to another and which allows the channels between them to be clear.  Because love is the feeling that makes you reveal yourself in the most honest way possible. You offer yourself naked and vulnerable so the other one can really see you and so he can have access to all your thoughts, which most of the time remain unrevealed in the shallow connections with most of the people around you.

In the same time, you clear the channels between you and the other, by letting your mind to be open when the other one is offering himself to you. And not only that, but you actively search to understand him. And when all that you discover in him satisfies your deepest dreams and desires, you feed that craving to explore him more and more, in many situations, regarding many topics and aspects.

So when this two states are to be found in both persons, then the amazing miracle of a connection between two minds is possible. If those two persons have already the same answers to the existential dilemmas and if they think alike about the most fundamental aspects of life, then the communication can be even more clear and efficient and the connection stronger.Those two minds get to know each other, their textures, the way of functioning and even though they do not and can not know each other 100% because of their complexity and of their continuous change, the intuition about each other is an impressive side effect. In this point the two lovers can think about each other in approximately the same moment of the day, they start to propose to do activities that the other one also wants around the same time.

Nevertheless, I must admit that I don't completely understand the phenomenon and it perplexes me. It gave me the awe that people have when thinking about god: it's like a miracle beyond my comprehension, that impresses me so much while giving me such a pure and intense happiness! It sometimes make me think and feel that love is another force of nature that can have a physical impact on its carriers. It's a force that gives sense of meaning and purpose to the lovers, its action span is on great distances, can conquer, manipulate even go beyond time, stimulates creativity so is the source of many objects (art pieces, novels, songs, studies, poems) and events in society, makes the lovers to improve themselves, to become better, even the best version of themselves and, not the least, obliterates the borders of the self while melting with other self to create the "us". Only by learning how to give, the core action of being kind, you can transcend yourself to touch the other.

For all this amazing miracles I do believe that love is a yet unstudied, but very present force in the universe and that because of it two minds can be connected in a totally different level than the one we are used with when we are alone.

 Learn to love, love to love and you will have access to this earthly, but so divine dimension!

First snow

The color of the snow is the color of purity. When everything is covered in the light white of snow it's like the worldly things are hidden below a layer of dreamy clouds of heaven. To stay and contemplate the touched by no feet snow is to live in a timeless moment of peace and serenity. To get lost in watching the soft and fairytale-like dance of the big snowflakes in the air is to be the witness of a miracle: the wondrous gift of Earth for its tiny, playful humans.          
               
But to have them all by the side of the one, unique heart in this Universe that you love, is like dipping your soul in the sweetness of a real dream. It's like life fulfills its destiny and floods the divine winter journey of the two luckiest hearts with its essence and all its mysteries and answers.

Thank you, my beloved, for offering me your pure love in the purity of the snow ! For letting your mind, heart and fantasies to discover the white miracle, to freely play with it and to bravely trust it in the manner you did. Thank you for letting me be part of your first snow, for allowing and trusting me to be your guide. And thank you for seeing its beauty and for sharing the wonder that kindled in your heart ! I hope to have the chance to see that truly happy and amazed look that mirrors your sensitive heart in as many winters and in as many days  as possible !

The poems of our daily lives

The daily life is a poem written not in words, but in actions, whose rhymes are not made from syllables, but from the feelings we choose to color our day, whose authors are each of us and whose readers are the people with which we interact. But unlike any other poem, our daily life can mingle with our beloved’s one to create waltzing lyrics, jointed meaning and an amplified echo of experiences. 

My daily life with you it’s not a routine, but it’s life itself at its highest peaks, in its raw and pure form, in its intense and miraculous existence. All the little things in all the little days become giants events and great pieces of art that, even though they might not be expressed in words, they are whispered by the hands that caress, they are screamed by the eyes that absorb, they are sing by the heart that melts, they are painted by the mind that is mesmerized.

Let’s try to write together our daily life poems with our love as the muse and our actions as the ink and try to cause a smile for the most important readers of these poems: the future us!

To boldy go where only love has gone before

Since I met you, my universe has expanded astronomically and I have started an exploration with wonder, hope and confidence in my heart. You are the warp drive that makes my heart gain speeds greater than light so I am able to explore strange, new worlds.

You are the captain of my starship that gives me strength in weak moments, that encourages me in insecure periods of time, that inspires me to become the best version of myself, that helps me to control my feelings when in mission with others, but also allows me, even encourages me to have the freedom to be and express myself. You are the captain by whose side I want to explore this universe full of wonders and I want to be your science officer, to be of help in any moment you need support, or ideas, or advices and to understand together the interesting phenomenons that we encounter in our path. But I want to be a betazoid science officer, a creature that is also able to be empathic with any emotions that you may have, to suffer when you are sad, to smile when you are happy, to be enthusiast when you are full of energy and hope, to be strong when you have fears and doubts.

Our starship’s name won’t be Enterprise, but Love. Our crew will be the the emotions with which we choose to surround ourselves and our map will be the memories that we are creating in our voyage and the dreams toward which we aim. Our enemies will be our fears and doubts, which will try to slow or stumble us, but one of our goals will be to learn to make them allies. Together we are part of the Federation of Earthlings and while we travel in the distant corners of the known universe, we will try to stick to the rules it has, but also to be flexible enough and open-minded not to allow this rules to interfere with our desire to explore the unknown.

Our primary mission is to boldly go where only love has gone before ! So let’s embark in our precious and powerful starship, choose a valuable crew, create a wide and trustful map and with our mission in our heart let's... Engage !

When words are not enough

When words are not enough, you start searching for alternative ways of expressing your inner contents. Then the hands want to touch with so much care and affection as almost not to disturb in the smallest way the perfect form of the other one; the lips want to press against the softness of the other one's lips in a timeless kiss, because the inside feelings, now liquefied, are like a never-ending river that wants to overflow into the other's heart; the arms want to hug so tight because the body is dissolving under the strong force of attraction and wants to mix with the other's one being giving birth to a new life form: the couple. The eyes want to be fed with the other one's angelic face, with his honest, friendly, out-of-this world smile and with his deep, wise eyes that speak of a side of the universe never-heard before. The heart wants to put herself into every behavior, gesture, thought and idea about the other one like the cook need to put his vital and secret spice in every dish that he creates and like the artist inevitably leaves a trail of his being in every artistic act, offering himself in return of giving birth to a new artwork.

Words are not enough anymore when love descends from heaven into one's heart. You realize then that the words are only some humble servants, with their limits and even if you would learn every language in the world, it still won't be enough... Because love is not only the mind's offspring, but also heart's precious treasure and body's intense craving. And although the mind tries to translate its thoughts, soon reaches its limits with a sudden shock and becomes muted. The rescue then can be found in the other centers of your being that are housing this ineffable feeling. And when all of them are incapacitated because of the evil time-space distance, then love is burning inside and pressure is accumulating in a dangerous level so that the beloved one must be warned of the chaotic, unleashed explosion that will undoubtedly occur at the next contact.

So be aware, lovers from around the universe! If you are so loved by someone, but her feeling is restrained and folded back inside, the torment inside her will flow with great energy like in a waterfall: from the peak of the mountain that tries to reach the sky until deep of the earth.

Love is...

Resisting the slowest and most agonizing minutes in the airport after a long period in which we haven’t seen each other.

The urge to hug you so tight and to dive into your arms so deep that we could mingle in one amorphous being with the texture of love.

Closing my eyes and feeling your soft lips so mindful that their touch instantly kindle my body and throw myself in a complete amnesia about time and space.

The feeling of adoration that fill my body when I contemplate the deep look of your dark, brown eyes with a divine halo caused by the kindness, sensitivity and intelligence of your heart.

The desire that arises in my whole being to do everything possible to bring a smile on your divine face and joy on your immensely kind heart, genuinely understanding the flavor of altruism. My heart feeding with your happiness.

The way you make me feel so feminine when you firmly grab me with desire by my hips and offer me a godlike kiss.

Changing sides like in a waltz while we walk so you can be on the street side and protect me from any possible danger.

You always being so polite and answering with a smile and with a sweet voice to the waiters and to everybody around you.

Your passion for languages and your struggle to learn new words so you can express yourself as freely as you can in my native language.

You surrendering to coffee as you would transcend this world and you would reach eternal tranquility.

You patiently waiting by my side while I prepare with love a rich breakfast, trying to offer you all that I have starting with the dawn of every new day.

You waking up in the middle of the night and then gently helping me cross the land of dreams toward reality with desire’s aid.

Feeling so complete when we finally fall asleep, with your hand placed below my pillow, after a full day of exploring the world together.

Being myself so naturally in your presence, even from the moment we met, and not having the need to recharge my energy in my loneliness.

The wave of creativity that you arouse in me every day which is so welcomed as the desert plants are welcoming a nutritious rain after a long period of drought.

Your philosophy of appreciating the immensity of little things that matches with my endeavor to assimilate as mindful as I can every aspect of this life.

Your artistic essence that manifest itself in your sensitivity, in your deep, beautiful, lyric writings, in your feelings, in the way you observe the world, in the way you see life, in your philosophy, in your attitude and which made me fall in love with you.

Your passion for computers that makes you to stay in touch with reality in a logical, scientific and skeptical manner, which satisfies my appreciation for science and which allows me to share with you my interest for astronomy and my view regarding the Universe.

Your incredible generosity that makes you sacrifice yourself to help your family or any other person that asks for your help and which makes me adore you so much and fill my heart of gratitude for your existence.

You, being loved by all the people, because your emotional intelligence makes you an incredible friendly person and makes you spread a warm light around you which pierces everybody’s heart.

The way your manly body makes me surrender to your desire, alters my reality and makes me transcend it in the paroxysm of pleasure.

Being the sunshine that pulled me out from a cloudy path and helped me to remember how it is to be alive just by your beautiful smile and by your habit of raising your hands in the air.

Time

I am sitting in my bed, with my head on my pillow and my left arm stretched over the empty side of the bed, stretched and trying to reach you. What separate me from you - “you”, the one in the past, the one that was by my side in our amazing, beautiful summer days; or from “you”, the one from the future, that will undoubtedly come back in my arms – is time.  

But what is “time”? What is this bodiless concept that cannot be caught into our hands, but around which our lives revolve? What is this evil character that makes me suffer so much when I am so full of you and I can’t flood you with my feelings, because it stays in my way? And what is this odd aspect of the universe, which I can make it dissolve and disappear when my eyes are captivated by your out-of-this-world presence?

And why it strengthen and materialize itself in such a heavy way, when I hear your mellifluous voice on the phone, or when I see your divine face in the photos, when I want to touch you, to feel you, to caress you, to hold you near my heart? And why it flies so quickly when I am engulfing the present with such a hunger while I am keeping your hand in mine, or when my head rests on your strong chest, or when my fingers are exploring with curiosity your soft skin, or when my lips are sipping your winged lips with the same exhilaration as you sip your coffee?   

It seems to me that time is just another border that confines our beings in one point in this universe. An invisible border that acts upon us like a ghost and makes us walk blindly in this game called life. And although in our difficult fight with time, we always seem the defeated ones, we must remember that its ghostly texture can penetrate us and can be influenced by our intense feelings. Our impatience, hastiness and eagerness make it tougher and harder to conquer. But our tranquillity and our joy to fully and mindfully live our present, our daily lives, gives us the power to bend this unbreakable force of the universe.

So I will promise you, my beloved, that I will confine my impatience and I will redirect it in more constructive and creative ways to express my boiling love for you. I will keep my love in my heart to accumulate steadily bit by bit, day by day. I will let it stir under this heavy pressure that time creates and when we will finally see each other I will let it manifests itself freely in such a way that will effuse and will embrace you in an amorphous cloud of love.

Time can be an unmoved force of nature, insensible to our urges, but if we are wise enough, we can harmonize with it and we can accept to be carried by its waves toward our so wanted, vital and beloved star, while we are watching the serene sky.  

The self and the Other

The moment we are forced out from our mother’s womb and our umbilical cord is cut, we are alone in this world, in this Universe. Everything that we see, hear, taste, smell, touch, everything that we think, imagine, fantasy, everything that we feel is inherently inside us. There is a definite and tangible barrier between us and the Other. Two enclosed, shiny entities, hosting sparkling universes inside them, but separated by enormous spaces, by vacuum. There are clearly defined outlines that draw the two creatures, the two so distinct earthlings.

So when they try to communicate with each other, one has to translate the thoughts in his mind and the emotions in his heart into words, the basic unit which has the consistency of reality. But the words can never actually encompass entirely the feelings that we have and the images that our thinking is creating. So the paths that two persons sketch between each other are blurred. They gaze into each other’s eyes having just a glimpse of the Other, never really guessing the wide landscape within. Therefore we walk through life being alone, trying to learn the laws of the universe, of life, of society, trying to fit, to create frail bridges toward the people around us, so we can have our dose of understanding and connection.

But there is a time, for very few, lucky people, when you encounter a bright, powerful star, that sends its rays right through your heart, melting all the barriers and making you so transparent that all the content from within becomes visible for the other one. And as you get closer and closer and as you can finally feel his warmth, you can see clearly, even though you are blinded by his brightness, his core. You are caught in the natural attraction that manifests upon you and you can guess that his core is made by the same substances as yours is, that it is guided by the same laws as you are, that he pulsates in the universe in a rhythm very, very similar as yours.

This uncommon star succeeds to fill the space and the vacuum between you and the Other, blurs the borders of your beings, so the Other doesn’t exist anymore, but becomes “ mine “. There is no more a clear distinction between your inside and your outside, his inside and his outside. You meet at the middle, in a divine space, that is called love and that makes possible for two human beings, after long time they have been chased away from their mother’s womb, not to be alone anymore. The reciprocal understanding between the two is felt like, instead of having two pairs of eyes, now there is only one pair: one eye from you, one from your beloved, but the image that is coming from the universe is consistent and full of meaning. The connection between the two is felt like magic, because the mind was caught by surprise by the idea that such a person can exist: a person with whom although the humble servants, the words, are doing their job incompletely, the message is fully understood…

And after meeting such a person, who manages to conquer the tremendous, immensurable space between your inside and the Other, the concepts of time and physical space look like jokes… This powerful encounter, that brushed away the barriers of the self, makes you accumulate so much energy and confidence that, although you are a tiny speck in a huge galaxy, you feel that everything is possible.  

And everything is possible, indeed. With you. By your side. 

Shadow from light

Wherever we go, whatever we do, we are followed by a loyal companion and a witness from the beginning of our time: our shadow. It is there with us in sunny days when we are busy with our lives, it is present when we drink with our friends, it listens to our sadness and our joys, our hopes and our fears, it runs when we run, it stays lost in meditation when we stay. Sometimes it fades away in dark nights when the light is too weak to outline it, but it never really goes away... Even if we forgot about it, even if we are not even conscious by its presence, it is there, the trail of our body, of our living in this world.

I can feel you in my mind like a shadow made, not of darkness, but of light. A shadow that shines brighter not when the light is stronger, but when the darkness is heavier. When the long distances look unconquerable your  shadow, loyal and silent, pulsates and covers everything with hope and confidence. I don’t forget about it like I do about its counter part, but I am very aware of it and I feel it very alive.  It follows me in my dreams, in my every day walks through this life, it is here, in my present, in my thoughts, in my heart.

You left your shadow from light here, with me, and it blends  with mine in a natural way. I can see them dancing like in a beautiful spectacle: a spectacle of love. No, I am not afraid of distances, because I am not alone...

Need of the heart

As the trees need the sky, not to survive, but so they can elevate higher and higher to reach the blissful light sun. As the time needs the clocks, even if it can exists without them, but it needs to be embodied  so it can be fully present in reality. As the Earth needs its Sun, not to live, for a planet can live wandering chaotic through the vastness of space, but for being alive and for harboring so many amazing creatures.

So I need you.

I need you not for alleviating my loneliness, because loneliness is an important and treasured part of my life. But for being near you means that I can rise higher and higher and discover a sky that is so serene and dreamlike, a sky that is your whole being. I need you not for the idea and the fantasy that you are in my mind, but for the true you, the flesh and body you, with all your darkness  and your brightness, with all your demons and your angels, with all your sadness and happiness. I need you not as a „need” and as a „necessity”, but as a desire of the heart to be alive and to feel enriched by your presence, by your existence, by the miracle that you are.  

Recognition

Two hearts fluttering when they recognize each other. Two minds like two universes that are going to collide because of their strong attraction and to form a sparkling big bang. Two hands reaching for each other in spite of the distances. Life imposes itself in the present and wakes up the deepest desires, the desire for connection, understanding and unity. The feelings kindle the heart, the brain, the body. They are all alive now and they refuse their limits, wanting to expand, to lose themselves in the other...

Come, my dear... Come and let's embrace the miracle of our own existence and let's seal it in a never ending hug...

Pagini din albumul inefabilului

1.Noapte. Un cal în picioare, pe marginea drumului. Se așează pe jos pentru a dormi. Căderea lui, de la atitudinea falnică, impunătoare de cal maiestuos, la cea culcată e analogia perfectă pentru căderea a tot ce e măreț.

2.Un bărbat de 40-50 de ani își poartă de braț mama de 80-90 de ani. Merge în ritmul ei foarte încet, dar foarte răbdător. Pe chip e întipărită dedicarea totală. Loialitate, sacrificiu, altruism. Ce e mai bun din umanitate.

3.Două mame povestind. Una are un copilaș de câteva luni în brațe, cealaltă unul de 5-6 anișori lângă ea. Copilașului celui mai mic îi cade mingea din mână. Cel mare o ridică de jos și, fără să se joace cu ea, în timp ce mamele sporovăiesc în lumea lor, i-o întinde celui mic. Cel mic cu mânuța întinsă să prindă mingea, fără lăcomie, ci cu uimire și liniște, iar cel mare dăruind natural întruchipează bunătatea în starea sa pură.

4.Dimineața. Străzile ocupate, dar nu pline, de oameni ce își fac treburile necesare supraviețuirii. Un măr se rostogolește liniștit, în diagonală, pe un drum luminat de soare. Parcurge încet, dar constant 3-4 metri. Nimeni în jur care pare să îl fi scăpat sau să fi fost cauza rostogolirii lui. Imagine pentru liniștea pe care o inspiră natura fiind ceea ce este, desfășurându-și ordinea fără de oameni.

5.Seară. Umbră peste bulevardul pe care sunt aliniați arbori. Doar o fâșie e luminată, iar în ea se întrevede jocul inefabil al pufului din pomi, dansul lor nestingherit ca în lumina reflectoarelor. Speranță în suflet. Frumusețe și sublim.

6.Valea Lăpușului. Drum de țară. Un câine de talie mică scapă din curtea sa și fuge în sus, cu limba scoasă, cu urechile-i fluturând, cu gura larg deschisă și cu un copil alergând în urma sa și chemându-l pe nume. Icoana jocului și a fericirii neîntinate. Fericire deplină. Fericirea momentului.

7. Frunză imersată la 5cm în apă, plutind în jos încet, în ritmul valurilor și cu rețeaua de raze imprimată pe structura apei. Manifestarea implacabilului. Acceptare.

8.Cheile Bicazului. La marginea uneia dintre cele două mari serpentine, un muncitor îmbrăcat în salopetă albastră privește firicelul de apă ce izvorăște din munte. Lângă el nu e niciun recipient pentru a bea apă. Nu așteaptă nimic. Doar atât: cu capul plecat, privește apa curgând. Cristalizarea înclinației omului spre contemplație, spre uimire în fața vieții.

Lumea vrăjită a cuvintelor

Cu toții magicieni suntem, iar jobenele noastre sunt cuvintele. Din interiorul acestora scoatem neîncetat obiecte vrăjite și creăm cu ele lumea, însă devenim atât de fermecați de grandoarea ei încât uităm că esența sa nu este decât trucul nostru. Din creatori și spectatori ai propriului nostru spectacol de iluzionism, am fuzionat într-un singur public nedumerit de desfășurarea evenimentelor. Am pășit de pe scenă în scaunele noastre confortabile de observatori și căutăm descurajați fire invizibile care pun în mișcare spectacolul. Dar întunericul s-a lăsat, iar obiectele vrăjite prind, pe nesimțite, viață. Ne lăsăm atrași de ele și intrăm în nobilul joc. Și "Vai!", ne întrebăm atunci când jocul ne dezechilibrează și ne surmenează, "Ce cortină avem trasă pe ochi și la ce suntem nevăzători?". Însă începutul spectacolului e prea îndepărtat ca să-i mai aflăm secretul, iar magia jocului prea ne-a acaparat ca să ne mai amintim că suntem spectatori, dar mai ales creatorii.

Se mai trezește câte unul să ridice cortina și înțelege trucul, dar lumea e deja animată și-și cere dreptul la existență. Din jobene se lasă să curgă vraja și împreună îi jucăm jocul.

Balanța viitorului

A privi spre ce va fi este asemenea cu a privi spre nemărginirea unui ocean. Necunoscutul ce ți se așterne în față te dezorientează, reducându-te la un punct care este obligat de lumina prea strălucitoare a soarelui nesiguranței să-și recunoască goliciunea. Tânjești dupa întunericul nopții, ale cărei puține și slabe stele nu stânjenesc, ba dimpotrivă, ascund cu a lor pâclă a uitării amețitorul ocean și oferă, prin nedormita stea polară, îndrumarea. Și cu toate că de acum îți cunoști direcția, rămâi orb la imensitatea oceanului, privirea fiind absorbită de lupta contra vântului, vâslelor și vâslașului.

Viitorul este oceanul posibilităților. Alegi una, propria stea polară, iar direcția îți este luminată. Dar în prezența ei toate celelalte stele vor apune. Înclină balanța spre tovărășia lesnicioasă a unei înguste, dar sigure căi ori spre privirea tremurătoare a necuprinsului care este adăpostit de orizont?

Viața

Viața omului se face și se desface ca o floare plăpândă. Mireasma ei depinde de cantitatea de căldură de care are parte din jur și de bogăția de sentimente nutritive, pe care și le extrage din solul propriu. Scopul ei este să își lase semințele pentru a umple câmpiile, dealurile și munții Universului. Coloratura ei este dintre cele mai diverse, dovedind creativitate, frumusețe, maiestate. Paradoxul său veșnic este: cer sau pământ.

Viața omului crește și se usucă ca o floare plăpândă. Protejați-o !